ROYAL WEDDING  ATTENDANT ANGELS

MY FRIEND FROM DURRELL ZOO

BAD PHOTO OF ACRYLIC PAINTING

AT WORK IN MY STUDIO ANGEL PRINT ON WALL BEHIND

26 Monday.

It was a hot dry day.  I did not look or go outside, I worked all day cutting out figures from old family photos.  My tummy feels so painful the turmoil of butterfly fluttering around within is a killer it saps ones energy.  I felt faint during the afternoon while sitting at my work desk until the pain in my neck muscle forced me to retire stopping  altogether and  leave my  studio.  I have to look down and through a magnifier hung on a string around my neck  in order to see and  cut out the figures and forms in the photos as precisely as I am able .  My eyesight  is not good I HAVE AGE RELATED LONG SIGHTEDNESS SO HAVE TO ALWAYS WEAR GLASSES FOR ANY CLOSE WORK.  Looking  downwards for hours on end all day long is causing strain in my neck muscles the pain  of which has been bothering me daily for some time.  I feel so very anxious that I am salivating excessively.  Edward is eating all day he hides in the kitchen and eats.  I feel that my life is completely out of my control and I have had several panic attacks this weekend.  Swallowing mouths full of saliva continually is a classic symptom of anxiety not new to me as I grew up with it from childhood.

My mother Joan Wason and sister Anne Pilfold attend my fine art degree show at Camberwell College of Art.

Thursday 29

830.am. Grey sky the light filtering through the cloud has a silvery sheen, it is cool this morning.  I slept on the sofa bed in my studio as it is a much cooler room.  I am an elderly person of sixty seven years, I am old and preparing for my demise.  I intend to ensure that my house is  completely empty at  my death.  So that no-one will have to enter and clear the premises like I and my sister Rosamund had to do for our mother.  It is my intention to dispose of all my furniture and domestic items, crockery, bedding and ensure that the home is empty of all personal possessions accept essentials like clothing. I will use paper cups and plates, a sleeping bag and microwave oven, lap top and washing machine plus television and fridge-freezer and vacuum cleaner  my essentials. The trauma of emptying the home of a deceased loved one still haunts me.

Saturday 5 January

Grace Trust lunch at St Paul's . No rain. Walked around the shops. TV bed.  I have not remembered any dreams lately only short snippets of events with out any details as follows... I was with my mother in the kitchen of our home in Orpington where she was performing a trance demonstration in the darkened room. When she drew my attention to a circle of light she was guiding around the walls and floor also the ceiling of the space in which we were standing by magnifying glass.  There was no illuminations at all in the room from electricity or outside light but for the tiny circle of light she was making move and dance by the instrument she held in her hand. I became afraid and woke up knowing that she way trying to put me in a hot spot for some unknown reason.

Model shoot by Grif Wason