STANLEY CHARLES BEALE MY LATE HUSBAND. HE WAS THE INSPIRATION IN MY LIFE BECAUSE HE LOVED ME WITHOUT RESERVATION.

I JUST FEEL AND SO DRAINED WITH STRESS. STOP THE WORLD I WANT TO GET OFF.

VISITING WEDDING.

JOY TO THE WORLD CHRIST HAS COME. BLESSING TO EVERYONE.

A: LET US BLESS EVERY ONE WITH OUR LOVE AND GIVING TH...

A: LET US BLESS EVERY ONE WITH OUR LOVE AND GIVING TH...: LOVE  FROM ELIZABETH STEPHENS.

LET US BLESS EVERY ONE WITH OUR LOVE AND GIVING THIS CHRISTMAS 2013.

LOVE  FROM ELIZABETH STEPHENS.

EDWARD EYE CLINIC. SEE DOCTOR AT HOSPITAL E.N.T. AUDIO HEARING TEST. WEDNESDAY SPECIAL.

13 WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER.

7.55 AM.  COFFEE.Much better sleep on sofa bed in my studio.  Dreamt... I was holidaying with Edward when we met up with old friend Avril Lees while out walking.  Dark red tomato soup was spilled down the front of my Teal coloured winter coat purchased for me by Edward as a special Christmas gift two years ago. As I wiped the material clean pieces of felt came away leaving holes like slashes where the garments lining was exposed.

9.45. PM.  I am in bed after a  nice bath  enjoying drinking  a glass of Absinthe in water.  

I was detained at the E.N.T.  department of the hospital for three hours today coming away exhausted to

meet Edward for lunch in Marks and Spencers. Our meal was very poor, tasteless and dried up.

  Edwards sight test at hospital clinic showed that his sight is one percent down to what it was.  

He gave me £20 towards new perfume I required as a surprise so I treated myself to Angel by Thierry Mugler.

I had a nice afternoon at  Wednesday Special while Edward  visited the library.  

A Chinese man is angry with Edward he was nasty to me also.  He is no the war path out to get both of us.  We came home on the bus it was a lovely autumn day, blue sky cool with no rain.

Long soak in the bath before bed as I did smell horrible after all the waiting and trauma at the hospital. 

 Pains in my chest and back.

The Chinese man was asked to move out of my seat, he became very angry.  He is not liked as he always sits in peoples seats.  He used to be a nice man before his mother died. He is horrible to lots of people now since her demise. Many people have complained about him.

A LADY IS DRIVING US TO THE AMBASSADOR ON FRIDAY TO ATTEND THE FULL GOSPEL DINNER, IT IS A SUPRIZE OFFER OF TRANSPORT.

 I was reading in bed when Frankie called in for coffee.
12 Tuesday November.

11.55 AM.  Stayed in bed reading The Lady magazine till late.  Rain and very cold. 

 Breakfast in bed.  Prepared  for me by my husband Edward, two boiled eggs, two Rye toast spread with Benecol and Miso.

  Frankie called in for coffee for an hour she is always so busy rushing around Jersey in her car calling on people to organize, she never stops long enough to listen. 

Very cold I  wore my dressing gown on top of my cloths.  Worked on Angel Cluster art work until 7.00 PM.

I have  had very little sleep, I could not relax.  No sleep drains me and my face swells up  also I feel bad tempered.  

While I watched television during the evening  I saw a vision of a tap turned on full force draining water away down the kitchen sink plug hole.  It shocked me into action  jumping up from the sofa I raced to inspect the taps in the bathroom's up and down stairs  and  in the kitchen but luckily nothing was amiss.

12 AM.  I am in bed in my studio using my new reading glasses.

  The roofer has had to be recalled as the flat roof on Edwards studio is still leaking rainwater.  Edward paid two thousand pounds for the work of roof repair 's last month..

I do hope that I am able to sleep.  I am reading "Anyone for Heaven." by John Blanchard.  It is thrilling and shocking me.

THE LADY MAGAZINE IS A GREAT READ.

11 MONDAY NOVEMBER.

11. 16 AM.  I have just sat up in bed woken by the ringing of the telephone to see grey sky  wet slates and puddles of rain enlarging steadily on the flat garage roof's.  Getting out of bed and feeling the chill of morning air on my skin is no encouragement to begin the week. 

 Velma and Bobby brought with them a large selection of goodies to Edwards delight yesterday afternoon.  The sweets and chocolates always mollify him on their arrival and he plays the happy host making and remaking them endless cups of weak tea using the process to  hide out in the kitchen most of the time during their visit whilst I chat.  I always enjoy their company as we laugh so much together.  Velma always brings me cosmetics she has been sampling to finish off on my skin  almost all of my skin lotions at present are samples that she has given to me.

  Bobby has a new car, Velma has been learning to drive for the last three years. She is able to drive very well but has yet to take the driving test.

 Bobby knows every thing that goes on in St Helier, everyone's movements as he is a talker who listens, remembers and inquires from every one he meets.  People who are quick enough to see him approaching often avoid him for that reason but he is very skilled and so clever  nothing of local interest or sometimes gossip escapes his ear.

HOSPITAL REF NUMBER. URN; 304 944C TOUCH. SOUND. SMELL. VISION.

4 MONDAY NOVEMBER.

8.40 AM  I have just seen the St Catherine s  Bay bus sail passed our house under the dark grey sky blanketing the rumbling of commuter traffic.  Even the smell of fresh piping hot coffee fails to encourage me to sit up in bed and face the day ahead.  Only when wrapping my body in the fleasy of warmth of  my ancient man-size dressing gown do I rouse myself and stair around  shadowy bedroom.  

Edward has taken to sleeping half the night on the sofa bed in my art studio which is a blessed releaf from his cough.  Also allowing me the opportunity to flap the duvet cover at will without angry grunts from him when the necessity arise's for cold air to sooth the fire burning in my ankles and knees during sleep.

12.30 PM  Wonderful deep blue sky shining hot sun the interlude lasting an hour came to brighten a miserable cold November day.  Thank You Jesus. 

 I bought a raspberry pink long sleeve T.shirt, Fat Face designer from a charity shop Oxfam for £1.

SPIRULINA.

SATURDAY 2 NOVEMBER.

Very tired. 12.00 PM  Late to bed.  Charity meal with Edward.  Very cold all day.  Bought Spirulina tablets £11.  New pen to write my diary with.  Posted letters to friends Alan and June Walton.  Put on beige nail varnish.  New tooth brush.  Wore my new winter jumper, it looked good.  I spent the whole evening sneezing. 

 Vivien Leigh 100 years since her birth to day. 

 Special gift soap from Fiona's mother at Grace Trust.

MY READING GLASS'S SLIDE DOWN MY NOSE WHEN EVER I AM ATTACKED BY HOT FLUSHES , IT IS SO ANNOYING.

FRIDAY 1 NOVEMBER

10.30 AM  Wind,  grey sky.  Graham is still not well he is in pain all the time. 

 Edward dreamt...He was being chased by police and caught.  Waking with tremendous relief  realizing that it was not happening in real time.  I dreamt... Our home was full of party goers.  In my room I discovered a Puffin like bird very plump with black featherers  living there as my pet had been invaded.  I cuddled the bird to protect it ending up shouting at  the tiny little children, toddlers who had stolen my fridge.  I was reprimanded for shouting and was loving and kind to them  on realizing that  they were backward children.

We enjoyed a bath together then drove to Waitrose supermarket for a big food shop.  Dark  sky's and rain.  I fried lean mince beef in a saucepan for dinner.  After spending all morning cutting out Cluster Angels.

10.55 PM  I always get hot flushes when I eat or get into bed where I sweat profusely.

PAGES RESCUED FROM MY ONLY CHILD HOOD BOOK REMAINING.  Mrs Browns Little Red House, published 1945.

I LOVE THE SMELL OF FRANKINCENSE AND MYRRH . EDWARD PUT THE COLOUR ON MY HAIR THIS MORNING TO COVER MY GREY ROOTS.

OCTOBER 31 THURSDAY.

11.40 PM  A mild day with light showers and some cloud.

Edward rose at 12.30 this morning.  I worked on Cluster Angels.  Edward feeling stronger not so ill and tired after a morning's bed rest.  

I dreamt ...His legs were swollen out like two tree trunks.  He dreamt... That I was covered from top to toe in excrement and that he was scraping my body clean.  My mouth and ears also nose and eyes were full and he was trying to clean it all of my body.

A quiet day. I spent all the hours of day light cutting out my designs.  I lit candles.  Bath and hair wash.

Milly Wason the dog Graham took her to the vet.

I AM ALLERGIC TO PENICILLIN. PRAISE IN PUBLIC, CRITICISE IN PRIVATE. I AM UNIQUE..

29 OCTOBER TUESDAY.

10.15 PM.  Bed. Quiet day.  Up very late this morning at 12 noon.  Edward is not well at all.  Mostly a sunny day with small amount of rain with blustery wind and a temperature drop.   Worked on Cluster Angels with Edward helping me.  Headache.  Recovering from up set and violent argument.  Graham is ill.  Head ache and cramp in my left ankle.  

BOBBY TELEPHONE TO REPORT THAT HE ATTEMPTED TO VISIT OUR HOME THIS AFTERNOON BUT WAS UNABLE TO PARK ALONGSIDE OUR HOME BECAUSE OF A WHITE MINI VAN BLOCKING OUR DRIVE WAY.

SUNDAY 15 DECEMBER.

12.53.  DARK GREY SKY.

Breakfast in bod brought to me by Edward.  Boiled egg and brown toast with Benecol spread.  My eyes are watering continuously with this infection my nose is blocked and I look dreadful.  I have a dry cough.  The cold cure tablets helped  me to sleep. 

 An annoying phone call from a person who is a pain.  I call the person a Klingon.   A Klingon is a lonely person who grasping for company clings to any passing human being who unsuspectingly gives them the time of day.  A Klingon will not be shaken off lightly pursuing their prey with determination manipulation other's in the quest along the way.  Until both party's are worn down.  A Klingon never gives up  their pursuit of another as they are incapable of feeling anything other than their own wants and needs and will go to any length in their power to achieve results in their favour.

VERY COLD ALL DAY. BUS INTO TOWN AT 12.27.

SATURDAY DECEMBER.

Very cold all day, bus into St Helier at 12. 26.  Lunch with Edward at the church.  I have a bad head cold and feel tired and breathless.  Bath and hair wash.  I look deathly people we met kept on remarking on how white and ill I looked.  My eyes are sunken right into my cheek bones.  I bought a black jumper with slashes and bows on the long sleeves it looks really super on me.  I feel out of breath and have a dry cough.  I feel cold and shaky.  Am filling myself up with Beechams Ultra all in one cold cure capsules.  Green phlegm from my nose.

VERY COLD DAY INTERMITTENT FINE RAIN.

Friday 13 December.

10.57 PM.  We collected Edwards ceramics from his class they are amazing.  Bus into St Helier at 12.26.  Returned library books and I bought Christmas gifts for Edward.  He chose silk socks, two prs of braces, two T. shirts.  Brute after shave lotion and skin moistener cream also I bought lunch for us in McDonalds.  Caught the number 16 Bus home at 4.00 in the rain.  Nice day out.  I have a runny nose and head-cold.  Christmas card and gift from my sister Rosamund.  Graham has now taken possession of a white mini van.

ISLAND INSURANCE

12 DECEMBER Thursday.

10. 25. PM. Sorted out the car insurance for my Smart car.  Lovely day together.  Thai meal at  lunch time.  Edward hair cut at Danny's the barber Snow Hill.  Edward bought me two lovely Christmas presents.  Cath Kidston handbag black with bird's print.  Aroma air condition lamp that changes colour.  I have a cough and very dry throat.  I bought an Angel daily reading book by Doreen Virtue.

JUNE VICTORIA WALTON MY FRIEND WHO LIVES IN SOMPTING ON THE COAST IN LANCING, ENGLAND.

JUNE TELEPHONED TO INFORM ME THAT HER SISTER KATH IS DYING OF CANCER, ANY DAY NOW HER DEATH IS DUE TO OCCUR.

PRAYED FOR KATH AND JUNE SEVERAL TIMES DURING THE NIGHT.
WEDNESDAY 6
LETTER FROM BETTY.  COLLECTED MY NEW Spectacles.

June TELEPHONED TO TELL ME KATHY HAS ONLY GOT THREE WEEKS TO live, with PAINFUL CANCER.

Dreamt...I was in bed with a strange woman cuddling me.  We were performing paranormal  tricks in her tiny house with a hole set in the floor for lavatory.  Also I dreamt that there was a large stone statue of a man sitting on the roof of my home that had gone unnoticed by myself and Edward for eight years.

Cry shop work.  I could not sleep, disturbed night on the sofa bed in my studio, the room smells of PVA glue.  A very cold wind.

I have been advised to cover my eyes with a hot wet towel as many times as I am able every twenty four hours.  To treat the infection of blocked pores and tear ducts.  Laying with a hot wet towel across one's eyes is difficult as the water run's from the towel down the sides of my face soaking the pillow.  Consequently I am holding my face under the the hot water in the sink  basin while holding my breath for as long as possible at intervals through out  the day.

P.C.152 DEPTFORD BRANCH. 151017 WARRANT NUMBER.

28 THURSDAY NOVEMBER.

9.45. AM.  Grey sky.  I can hear  ticking from the alarm clock it is a relaxing sound.  Edward has just left home to attend his ceramic class.  Anxiety pangs in my tummy.

  Dreamt...I was away from home staying near a river in the Downs.  The place I was staying in  kept on being invaded by three local women pretending to be my friends. They changed into dogs who I wanted to take on to the Downs  with me to collect black lettuce.  Later I was in the home of dark brown Indian people visiting.  Wanting to leave  no one would help me with travel home.  I found a bus to board but had no idea to where it was travelling as it on a Sunday.   My lips are soar and painful with a tiny open split.  Pain in both my ankles during the night also lower back pain when I sit up.

Driving with Graham lots of reversing.  Out for lunch at 2.00 to the Firefly Cafe at Durrell with Edward. Lovely meal my first Christmas dinner of the season we both enjoyed the food.  

 Packed gifts ready to post to England.  Put £10 petrol into my car.  My cold soar is hurting.  Changed all the bed covers on the bed in the front bed room.

LADY READING FROM MY SKETCH BOOK.

THE SPIRIT OF HEAVINESS COMES DIRECTLY FROM OUR ENEMY, SATAN.

11 WEDNESDAY DECEMBER.
8.40. AM.  Bus to St Catherine has just passed by.
Pins and needles down the right side of my face.  Cry shop.

Dark blue sky, watery sun casting shadows across the house fronts, wind tossing the flag in the garage next door. 

 A very heavy sleep my face is swollen and my eyes are all teary.  I have a head ache and butterfly  buzzing  in my tummy.  Edward is still sleeping with gentle snores his left hand tenderly resting on my upper right thigh. 

 Stress dreams all night mixed with burning pains in my feet and ankles it is no wonder I don't feel fit to work in the shop this afternoon.  I dread going every week and have anxiety attacks, shortness of breath over salivate with the burps.

Posted the gift my to Marion Archer.

10.50 PM.  I have a soar throat and feel so very drained. I had a panic attack this morning.  Anxiety over my car insurance with Island Insurance.  Graham hospital visit today, he was off hand with me on the phone.  Stress all day. I need to move  at my own pace not be rail-roaded by Edward.  He is good and wonderful but is just unable to understand me, women's feelings are a mystery to him. 

 Hot flushes when ever I eat are getting on my nervous.  I need peace and rest not to be shoved along at Edwards pace.  He is erratic and changeable I never know where I am with him.  My face is all pins and needles with tension again this evening. 

 Edward gave me twenty pounds this afternoon to treat myself as he did not know what to do to ease my feelings of anxiety, that was so kind of him. 

 I came across a photo of Brian in an old sketch book of mine that sent shock waves strait through my system, that may be  the cause of my current distress.

MOTH EATEN PINK TICKLING STICK, REMINISCENT OF KEN DODD.

Thursday  12 December.

8.08. AM.  The sky is the colour of dirty washing up water, grey.  There is no sunlight to be seen the world outside of my bedroom window is colourless this morning. The light emanating from my bedside lamp playing on the white  bed covers and catching the swirl of steam rising from my coffee mug  illumines is the room.  Edward has just farted, yawning and coughing into wakefulness.  I intend to place our Christmas tree  on the front room window sill this morning.  Graham from next door referred to my feathered,dainty, lady-like table top sized effort as a moth-eaten pink tickling stick reminiscent of comedian Ken Dodd.

DRAWING ON THE MOVE, WHILE AT CAMBERWELL ART SCHOOL LONDON SE 12.

BRING DOWN ALL THE IDOLS IN YOUR LIFE.

Tuesday 10 December.

Deep blue sky sunny but very cold.  Nice day at the Blind Centre meeting house.  Taxi drive through the green countryside.  Lunch, lovely and nice people, Father Christmas, gift, musical entertainment. A very pleasant and enjoyable day.

11.30.PM. I feel very tired and cold.  I don't have a novel to read at present to send me to sleep.  I wrote a Christmas news letter to Marion Archer to place in with her Christmas gift packet.  I must begin work on the Angels again very soon.  I also need to buy Christmas gifts for Edward.

The streets lights flood our home with an orange glare during the hours of darkness, one may walk around the house in their glow with ease. They are not bright enough to read by but certainly good for performing tasks such as making hots drinks and generally tidying up around the lounge.  The glare would be an intrusion to some people but not to me as every corner and stair is lit both back and front  of the house driving away the fear of unseen occupants that  noises on the stairs every  night may indicate.

PENCIL SKETCH OF EDWARD JUST AFTER WE HAD MET.

CHURCH HOUSE GROUP MEETING.

Deep blue sky, wind early morning sun shine dark shadows.  There is a sea gull high on the roof of the house opposite.

9 December Monday.

9.55 AM.  Edward is coughing and groaning he has a boil on his right buttock.  He kept on pulling the bed covers off my shoulders all night  exposing them to the cold air. 

 Dreamt...I was working in a dental surgery feeling very nervous as the surgeon was uncaring and dirty also very rude to everyone.  Pains in my ankles all night disturbing my sleep.  This morning I have heaviness in my tummy and a slight pain in my left ear.

Very cold wind.  Edward vacuum cleaned the stairs, bed room, lounge shaking all the mat's.  He worked very hard cleaning and dusting all the pictures, behind the bed all the rails and shelves, surfaces's and window sills dusting and spray polishing the house.

SKETCH OF A BOAT LEANING TOWARDS THE HARBOUR WALL OFF GREENWICH PIER.

PREPARING FOR CHRISTMAS WITH MY FAMILY.

BRIGHTFIELD ROAD, LEE SE 3  2006.

LEE GREEN PARK, BRIGHTFIELD ROAD  BLACKHEATH. 2006.

LEE GREEN, LONDON SE3.

JERSEY ISLAND INSURANCE.

17 NOVEMBER SUNDAY.

9.10 AM. Cold grey sky.  Loud banging from next door is annoying Edward who is reading a large print book in bed next door to me.  There is a whiff of my new perfume fragrance in the air Angel by Thierry Mugler it is an overpoweringly dominant smell in my small studio.  There is a stillness in the room even the tall tree growing in the garage car park has its branches in check the only movement I can see comes from birds shooting across the sky.

KATH DIED ON MONDAY 11 NOVEMBER. CHARITY LUNCH. BOUGHT THERMAL LEGGINGS £13 FOR TWO PRS FROM GEORGE FASHIONS.

16 SATURDAY NOVEMBER.
Bobby NOT FEELING WELL, HE FELL TWICE AND BUMPED HIS FOREHEAD.

10.55 AM.  Cold grey sky.  June phoned to say that her sister Kath had died. 8.45 AM. 11 November peacefully Graham her husband with her at her side.  Dreamt... My brother Graham was living in a palace.  Inside his house enlarged gigantically and magnificently.  He had purchased grand furnishing , tables inlay'd with deep pink mother of pearl.  Tracey his wife was so loving as she proudly showed off her hoe with out malice towards me and my family.  She prepared a banquet for us all and every one was so happy to see their home and share in their joy, the outside of their house was normal.

DRIVING LESSON, DROVE OUT TO ST CATHERINES BAY WITH GRAHAM THEN INTO WAITROSE CAR PARK AND HOME..

THURSDAY 5 DECEMBER.
FULL GOSPEL BUSINESSMAN'S  DINNER AT AMBASSADOR HOTEL.

9.25. AM.  Blue sky, dark cloud slashed with white edged with silver lights.  The house fronts are bathed in the glow of morning sunlight reflecting brightness into my bedroom my bed covers are alight with it.  A large mug of hot coffee warms my hands.  The 9.30. bus has just raced up the road to wards St Catherines Bay and Edward has just driven off to his ceramic class.

Last night before sleeping I read part of Doreen Virtue's self help book Chakra Clearing and tried the advice for hearing and the ears. 

Dreamt...I was at a social function and had to retire as a dried powder like substance reminding me of pinkish talcum powder was falling out of my ears.  I had one of my ears in my hand and was shaking it vigorously and poking around inside it with a fine needle to dislodge more debris.  I continued the assault on my ears fine powder continued to stream out until the canal was completely clear and I was able to see the delicate inner workings and fragile skin with in before waking. 

I am amazed at the chakra clearing my unconscious mind performed on the advise given in the book while I was sleeping.

ANGEL TIME IS HERE.

FROM MY SKETCH BOOK DRAWN WHILE RIDING ON THE BUS TO CAMBERWELL SCHOOL OF ART PECKHAM SOUTH EAST LONDON.

FROM MY SKETCH BOOK

SECRET BEING. ANGEL PAINTER. RAYE'S ANGELS. ARTISTIC BEING.

30 WEDNESDAY OCTOBER.

Eye and hearing test at Boots. 11.00 AM.  I have got a cataract growing in my left eye also I need to have a hearing aid for my left ear.

Cry shop no sales.  I bought a new jumper for the winter to wear at meetings instead of the  dark grey jumper given to me by Heidi Walton eleven years ago that both Edward and I share. It is called an eyelash jumper as it is fluffy pink with a gold thread running through the design, bought from New Look for £25.  I have been on the look out for a trendy top for six weeks, I treated myself with birthday money.  My winter clothing is very old and mostly second hand.  I am glad I have splashed out as it is not often I find an item that I like enough to buy.  Next time I attend church I will look trendy and fresh.

TOMATO SOUP IS A HELP TO THE SOUL.

29 TUESDAY OCTOBER.

10.15 PM.  Quiet day, up very late at 12-noon.

Edward not well at all.  Mostly sunny day, small amount of rain, blustery wind, temperature drop.

Worked on Cluster Angels Edward helped me.  Head ache.  I am still recovering from  the argument a very violent one slowly.

Graham ill.

 Headache, cramp in my left ankle.  Concluded romantic novel by Mary Stewart, "Thunder on the Right."  My hair is so long and baby fine that it tickles and irritates my neck and back when I am in bed naked.  I love the feel of fluffy jumpers against my skin. I feel warm and loved tucked up in my  dressing gown with thermal leisure trousers and jumper.

y dressing gown also thermal leisure trousers and jumper.

HALF TERM WEEK FOR SCHOOLS. THE SKY IS A DEEP BLUE AFTER HEAVY RAIN STORMS. AMAZINGLY BRIGHT SUNLIGHT MY BED ROOM IS ALIVE WITH LIGHT.

8.55 AM. 28 October Monday.

Blue sky, noisy blustery wind in strong gusts, very bright sun light, commuter traffic very space.  The sun light is amazing this morning my bed room is alive with it. 

 Dreamt...I was a person living inside an immoveable body...I was in prisoned inside a statue, living  in flesh that was alive but unable to move a muscle as a punishment for sin...

Great up set in the home with Edward over house work and cleaning, vacuum cleaner broken.  Violent argument, great distress.

THE WIND IS VERY NOISY BUMPING AND SQUEALING INSIDE THE CHIMNEY BREST CAVITY ALL NIGHT.

Sunday 27 OCTOBER

Edward deliberately says things to hurt my feelings every day.

10.30 St Paul's ministry team with Lois.

7.55.AM.  Blue sky, sun shine. violent wind it is rattling inside the chimney .  I have not heart the sad call of the sea gulls in the morning for some time they don't land on the rooftops in the latter part of the year.  Slept in my studio, no petals have dropped from my red roses  yet even though they are fading.

11.50.PM. I feel very down, quite low.  Very strong wind banging loudly on the glass in the window frames, I feel sick I feel so down. I don't want to be here any more.  Edward reluctantly booked a three day break at the Ambassador hotel and has been giving me hell ever since.

SO BEAUTIFUL.

EDWARD DREAMT HE WAS WALKING IN HEAT THEN ENTERED A HOUSE FULL OF INDIAN WOMEN WHERE THERE WAS AN OVER POWERING FRAGRANCE OF INCENSE. HE CAN'T RECALL A DREAM WHERE EVER BEFORE HE ENCOUNTERED SUCH A STRONG PERFUME IN HIS LIFE. I CAN NOT EVER RECALL A DREAM WHERE I WAS AWARE OF AN AROMA.

SATURDAY 26 OCTOBER.
Church meeting, coffee at 9.30.AM.  Good teaching in the morning.  Great food.  Cold windy day.  Edward attended for the lunch time interval and to eat.  Afternoon teaching not interesting quite boring in fact also every one was quite tired with the heavy concentration of morning session.
Bed at 11.20.PM.  Wind getting up to full gale.  Put out clocks back.
I still can't believe Edward attended the church meeting for lunch as he has to be dragged into church by me verbally as a rule, lots of people greeted him warmly.

Lucy's BABY NAMED LOUIE JAMES BISHOP BORN. MY LEFT EAR IS CAUSING ME ANXIETY.

25 October Friday.
Louie James Bishop...Thank You Jesus for his safe arrival.

8.32 PM.  Woke  with tummy and ankle pains.  Grey sky, every thing feels damp and heavy  in keeping with the colours I can see reflecting fro the wet and greasy road.  Throbbing in my left ear also very deaf in it.   Very dry mouth.  My tummy feels raw and is heavy with the most uncomfortable burps.

There is a hint of brightness in the sky I can here Edward coughing loudly in the next room.

Worked on Cluster Angels.  Went out  with Edward for an autumn walk to Swiss Valley behind Longueville manor hotel .  A cool pleasant outing crunching fallen leaves under our feet.  A strong smell of pine from the evergreen trees.  The fields of sweetcorn were very tall and green.  We saw two horse's grazing in the field where Graham used to lodge his two animals.  We strolled slowly as both of us became out of breath having to rest  sitting on low walls along our path allowing a pleasant  afternoon to slip by.

Caffeine free teas and plane boiled water.NO COFFEE. I AM TRYING. ALSO I LONG FOR A CIGARETT. TRYING TO CLEAN UP MY BODY FROM THE INSIDE IS HARD WORK.

OCTOBER 24, THURSDAY.

Edward has just driven off to his ceramics class the last one before half term. 

 I am not keen on being at home alone.  I imagine the late residents watching me.

Lucy's baby due to be born today.   

9.50. AM.  Grey sky.  Sleeping in my studio could become a habit as the room and bed have a completely different atmosphere.  The guest mattress is narrow and one is able to lay flatter and I am able to see directly out of the window the view is not as interesting as our main bed room. Only part of   the  walls and the tops of cars in the garage back lot are visible.  If the bed were higher I would be able to see into our vast garden.

I have a very dry mouth this morning and pain in my lower back also my left ear is blocked.

Toasted rye bread has a sweet musty aroma and my herbal tea smells of lavender. 

 The roses Edward gave to me for my birthday a deep red in colour look black against the back light of cold grey morning sky.  They are struggling to hold up their beautiful heads and their once  glossy petals are beginning to separate from the centre opening wide before they fall...

Baby born, phone call from Anne. 

 Driving with Graham. During a walk in Swiss Valley later I saw tiny wild Violet in full bloom very strange for mid October.  Graham is not well, he has chest pains, he is very worried about his health as he is in such pain all the time. 

 Worked on Angel Cluster.  Bed late.  Hot flushes all day.  Edward slept in my studio.

VISITED ST PAUL'S CHURCH FOR THE EVENING SERVICE AT 6.30 PM.

SUNDAY 29 SEPTEMBER.

Dull and cold day. Local Elim Rock church.  Rose phoned. Headache.  Cold, pain down my right leg.  Very tired my back feels soar. I can't wear a bra, my skin is unhealthy, it feels tender and so itchy.  I am aware all day that my  back is irritated perhaps it is hives or an allergy

I feel up set as Edward keeps on falling asleep.  He looks so different now he is on medication.  Fat.  

Some thing is wrong  my back feels so soar and itchy any clothing is causing me discomfort I could rip my skin right off my back it feels so soar...

I LOVE READING ROMANTIC NOVELS BY BARBARA ERSKINE.

28 September Saturday.
I am very disappointed there has been no message from Catherine my sister, I feel very hurt...  She has let me down and I am sad about her behaviour towards me.
 Edward feels very healthy he has worked very hard in our garden this week.
Finished reading Barbara Erskine novel "Times Legacy."

10.11 AM.  Grey sky very bright light with a promise of sun to follow.  Slept on the sofa bed.  Had a bath and cut my toe nails adorning them with burnt orange nail varnish.  Shaved my legs slathering on Kath Kitson body lotion, I love rose perfume.  There was a heavy rain squall earlier this morning while Edward was making his breakfast. 

 New novel to read in bed before sleeping.  "Left Behind."  It is also a film.

Doreen Taylor just left number ten across the road to walk to the bus stop ready to board the 10.26 bus into town.  She is ninety four years old a pert little woman with good health and total with it and up to to date unexpected at her age.  I have a heavy chesty cough and blocked nose and my voice comes out as a croak when I speak.

drawing by Edward Stephens.

OVERCOMING GUILT BY DR WINDY DRYDEN. IS AN AMAZING BOOK TO READ.

SEPTEMBER 18 WEDNESDAY.

Edward adult education class.  Cry charity shop.  Driving lesson at 10.00.

 8.36 am.  Rain.  Charley has just waved to me through the window from across the road., he is sitting in his front room.

  Hot coffee from my vacuum flask with one Belvita biscuit.  I had to consume cold cure tablets to ward off a soar throat yesterday afternoon. 

 Only nineteen years to go then I shall be the same age as my mother when she died in this house.

  This week has gone so quickly, I did not do much work yesterday only scanned new stars with cavorting angels, at least I have made a start on my angel work. 

 I must prepare my studio by putting away the sofa bed as it is blocking  my  space.   I have been sleeping on it as the room is quieter over looking our garden.  The atmosphere is also much lighter as grandpa Wason died in the room in which Edward and I usually sleep . My  art studio  was my mothers bed room for most of her life. 

 My cold is yet to develop, I can't feel my soar throat a present but my nose is wet and my left ear buzzing. Edward my husband of fourteen years's body lying next to me feels like a warm limpet wrapped around me as I record  this my journal. 

 The cold mornings have begun,  I  will be dressing in my ski suit each day soon.

Met Doreen Taylor at the bus stop, my late mothers local confidant living at number ten opposite our house with a white front gate.

Drawing by Edward.

EDWARD WITH MARIANNE CHIVERS AND ROBIN COCKEL IN LEE SE 3 BLACKHEATH SOUTH EAST LONDON .

IN MY ART STUDIO COME BED ROOM.

CHAKRA CLEARING. AWAKENING YOUR SPIRITUAL POWER TO KNOW TO HEAL. DOREEN VIRTUE. THE BEST SELLING AUTHOR OF HEALING WITH ANGELS.

OCTOBER 23 WEDNESDAY.

Rain.  Driving lesson cancelled.  Worked in Cry shop.  Edward not well he is very tired with a bad chest.  He saw an hallucination of his late mother.  Back-ache, I could not get to the lavatory on time so wet the floor.  Edward is upset as he did not get much sleep having to get up continually during the night to pass water every hour.  Rebecca the crystal lady gave me three bracelets and a crystal as a birthday gift, she is lovely, so open to the world and free in spirit.... Letter to Betty.

I get pain in my ankles as soon as I lay down, even though I always sit with my legs raised during the evening.  We need a new sofa as the currant one lacks back support and the seats are sagging. 

 Hot flushes every morning and evening, all the time I am dressing and undressing, at the slightest emotional reaction in my brain a hot flush flairs up within my body with perspiration and panic breaks out.