I AM FEELING SO DOWN AND DEPRESSED.

IT IS SO COLD WE DON'T GET UP UNTIL NOON. I WEAR MY SNOOT IN BED.

I WILL BE RELAYING MY DIARY AGAIN VERY SOON. IT IS SO COLD IN MY STUDIO MAY BE TOMORROW.

BLUEBELL  RAILWAY OUTING WITH CHURCH MEMBERS. 2005.

I BELIEVE IN JESUS, HE DIED FOR ME AND ROSE AGAIN. HE IS MY SAVIOUR.

I AM BECOMING STRONGER AND MORE HEALTHY AGAIN.

I HAVE BEEN UNWELL FOR TWO WEEKS. BACK AGAIN SHORTLY.

GOREY CAFETERIA FOR SUNDAY LUNCH. I WEIGH NINE STONE THE RESULT OF ALL THE DELICIOUS FOOD WE EAT AT THE AMBASSADOR HOTEL.

FRIDAY 10 JANUARY
09:35 AM.  Purple and grey cloud covering the blue sky.

 The voice of the television new's reader is blaring so loudly from down stairs I can follow the content's clearly while sitting in bed.  Edward will not use his two hearing aids preferring to blast every one else's ear drums.  He is so selfish and very rude, shouting "A." all the time.

09:42 Sunlight has burst through the purple cloud.

He forces anyone who speaks to him to repeat every word.  Apart from that being very tiring it is most rude and unnecessary.  People won't  be bothered to speak to him at all and will avoid him altogether.  His voice is becoming louder each day so is his coughing because he can't here his own voice or cough.

 We visited St Helier for a walk around the shops and fresh air.  Edward felt quite well and enjoyed himself buying clothing items in George Fashions SALE. 

 We eat lunch in the Victorian market  at the Noodle Soup stall.

I am dismayed to realize I have put on so much weight.  Since I stopped smoking the problem began.  I don't want to be old and fat.  I have wrinkles enough on my face to prevent me going out in public and my hair is so fine it looks lank and thin. I have to be so careful when washing or brushing it as it falls out in clumps, probably due to stress.

Edward looks so nice when he dress's formally his pin-stripe navy blue shirt and black jeans.  It makes me feel depressed to seem him sit all day in front of the television in just a dressing gown and slippers.  He weight's fifteen stone.  I do love him very much and I am afraid all the time he will have a stroke as he is so heavy. 

 I don't ever want to have live alone again in my life.

DRAWING BY EDWARD STEPHENS.

TO DAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY. BLESS THE LORD.

8 JANUARY WEDNESDAY.
IN RETROSPECT.
I still feel bowed down with fear in case in a temper Edward marches up to Graham's door and demands he move his van.
 I have suffered so much since 27 December's assault on the subject at breakfast in the hotel dining room by Edward that fear has dominated my every thought.
 I don't want to be ruled by fear it is not fair.  I don't want Edward to swear about my brother to me all the time.  He swears all day as it is.

We waited for 12:26 bus that failed to appear Edward becoming angry. I walked into town after attempting to stop him driving in the dull grey glare of day light for his own safety in total despairer. 

 I felt so low in side, feeling crushed on both sides.  I met two friends in the Lord who prayed for me.  Then informed the shop management that I needed a months break meeting Edward as arranged for coffee later going on to the choir practise therapy group.  Run by friends of Jesus for the distraction of people in need, addicts, lonely and homeless and many more. 

 Returning home much later the same situation was raked over  again resulting in a row with Edward.  I tried to make him listen to my feelings but he does not have a natural understanding of women.  He is just angry with every one all the time.  He is a lost policeman trying to wield authority he no longer has.

  We could be so happy but he wont let me run the home or be the woman I could be.  It is a tug of war at all times over every thing.

Now that my diary is A 4 size pages. One page a day. I record more thoughts and it takes me longer to type.

BLUE BELL FIELD BY EDWARD STEPHENS.

WEDNESDAY 8 JANUARY. PAINTED MY FINGERNAILS WITH RIDGE FILLER.

WEDNESDAY 8 JANUARY.

10.10 AM.  The grey sky is full of rain clouds and every thing has a vague look of misery.  The road is wet and the drains overflowing.

  I have just had an attack of diarrhoea after a night of anxiety dreams my tummy is churning.

Waking at six I was assailed by worrying thoughts and later the rumbling noises and yells together with the flashing lights of the local refuse collection cart.

  My mind would not stop replaying memory's of my failings according to impossible standards  instilled by my mother. 

Edward refused a hot drink on waking complained bitterly of the chilly morning air, my fault for failing to switch on the central heating while preparing coffee.

I must keep on repeating the affirmation-.  Mistakes need correction not punishment.

The same dream content twice...While I working in the shop the cash till broke-down. Ever since £100 was taken from the till Christmas 2010 I have felt insecure about working there.

I feel a a lump of lead in my stomach weighing me down right now at the thought  of entering that shop, I truly feel sick. 

My anxiety this morning is so great that I have only just realized I am recording my thoughts on the wrong page  and day.  I have turned over too many pages in the diary.  To day is Wednesday 8 January not Friday 10 January.  Two pages must have stuck together the result of my trimming my finger nails down so short with my Angel clippers. 

GOREY BEACH JERSEY.

TALES FROM THE ARABIAN NIGHTS.

JANUARY 7 TUESDAY.

11.35 PM.  I don't have a novel to read myself to sleep with at present  so am attempting "Tales from the Arabian Nights."  A book I remember my father reading out aloud to me as a child so until a more tempting read comes my way the above will surface.

  Edward has just arrived ready for bed carrying two hot water bottles and a mug of hot water for me.  He struggles up  stairs groaning all the way and coughing loudly on every step. 

We had a pleasant outing to the Blind Association venue where we associated with other members present.  We played Bingo and socialized enjoying a three course lunch and raffle.  It is a very nice porpoise built centre with respite versatilities and gardens.  The volunteers and employees are all very dedicated and willing to assist wherever they can.  Edward would  much rather stay at home as he dislikes associating with older people and does not relate to any of them.. He is in denial  that he is an ageing personality being himself seventy eight years.  He gets very bored and is not interested in chit-chat but he puts on a good show of pretending to enjoy-himself. 

 It is not my cup of tea, being coughed all over by the elderly and wearing a smile stuck to my face  for three hours but the re-leaf from stress at home does me the world of good.  

The trip out alone is great as I am able to relax into the seat of James our volunteer driver's car with out being on edge the whole journey in case we crash as I am these days when Edward drives.  

The volunteer helpers do their utmost to see that every person is welcomed and valued, looked after with out tension or stress for the whole time they are there. 

 It is a very therapeutic event  to which I look forward, I have been taking along my sketch book with a view to improving my drawing.  Our driver is a volunteer and the ride through the country lanes of Jersey is totally refreshing.

Letter to Anne.  The Smart car battery has returned to its hiding place nestled beside the big fridge freezer  parked  on our front porch because there is no room in the kitchen.

Hot flushes.  I have to go to the shop tomorrow.  I dressed in readiness to attend the Elim Rock house group but it was pouring with rain at the time I attempted to leave the house so I retired into the lounge spending the evening watching my favourite television soaps Eastenders and Holby City instead.  Sorry Jesus.

SMART CAR BATTERY HAS BEEN RETURNED.

TUESDAY 7 JANUARY.

8.10 AM. Blind Club Meeting pick up at 9.30 AM.

Dark grey luminous sky.  I have just made our first hots drinks of the day.  I need a quick shower before our taxi arrives.  Dreamt...I was attending an art class in my  old senior school in Orpington the tutor was in need of more employment I tried to help her.  With me I had a Tablet computer.  We were looking at them in the Co.op yesterday.  They are unnecessary objects of desire as far as I am concerned but I would love to own one.  Colin and June use and love them. I would love one mainly to pose and show off with, a tiny lap-top computer would serve me best.  I would love a smart phone too but would not have much use for it as I am always at home.

The  air temperature seems to have improved  for both of us felt so warm last night in bed that we threw off the second duvet cover.  I have been perspiring and feel really uncomfortable bundled up in winter clothing especially as my hot flushes have returned to torment me with sweat dampening my hair and pooling under my arms and breasts.

THE WAY OF CHAKRAS BY C.S. AREWA.

Monday 6 January.

11.10 PM. Drove to big Co.op where we spent  our Mr Kursh gift vouchers.  We bought a new ironing board and electric smoothing iron also food supplies. 

 Laundry.  I feel very tired my eyes are sunken into my skull.  Tex from Alan Fenton.  

Edwards right hip pains him and his leg keeps on giving away under him. 

 I have reached the end of the self-help book. "The way of the Chakras." by C.S. Arewa. I have enjoyed reading it  very much.  I need to weigh myself this week.  I noticed this evening that the Smart car battery charger is missing, I expect that Graham is using it.  I am trying not to worry all the time as I don't want to fall ill. Hot flushes caused by anxiety and one panic attack this evening.  We must rise early tomorrow in readiness for our taxi to the Blind Club meeting.

SUMMER TOGETHER 2010.

THANK YOU MR KURSH FOR MY NEW IRONING BOARD AND NEW ELECTRIC STEAM IRON.

MONDAY 6 JANUARY.

9.35. AM.  The sky was a dark navy blue on waking this morning with a freak showing of bright sunlight. Seeing  it made me feel alive, energizing me so that I was able to rise  without too much struggle and run naked down the stairs and into our kitchen to put  the kettle on.

I feel heavy headed after the strong pain killer of last night my mouth feeling very dry as a result.  Dreamt...Edward was much healthier  than he has been for ages and we were out shopping below ground.  I was examining vintage wear satin dress's and outfits from 1940 in which I am interested.

10.15 AM.  The sky is pail grey and the sunlight disappeared.

  I have a mug of hot water beside me.  Edward is down stairs watching television.  I may rest for a while yet in bed as I am still in pain with my lower back and knee.

ANGEL PAINTING.

BRING AND SHARE MEAL AT ELIM ROCK.

SUNDAY 5 JANUARY.

10.15 AM.  Rushed to local church on waking with only five minutes to spare there was no time to wash just clean my teeth. 

 It was so good to sing and praising the Lord I felt great. Monthly church meal and social.  Rain.  

 I may go to the Tuesday House group as it is only round the corner from my home within easy walking distance.  It will make a change to meet a new group of people.

Edward performed house cleaning tasks for me while I attended church at my request.  He was expected  to attend the community meal with me even though he does not attend church.

Bobby and Velma visited during the afternoon we all laughed together heartily, they reported to us their Christmas goings on at the Monterey Hotel. 

 Edward was full of complaints  as usual he always moans to them about the bad experiences he is forced to endure at the Ambassador Hotel  because it is my choice of location not his. 

 He related to them the problem with Graham my brother who lives next door.  The white mini van Graham has bought to use for clearing rubbish and collecting horse items is blocking our shared drive way.  Edward got very agitated while talking about the problem.

Church in the evening at St Paul's with Jill.  I went up for prayer about the situation with Graham.  It was so good to be praising the Lord after such a long Christmas break.  

I read Lady magazine in bed and experienced so much pain in my left knee and right hip I was again forced to swallow a pain killer tablet and to place one hot water bottle under my knee and the other on my back to warm the area and enable sleep.

BED WITH SMALL HOT WATER BOTTLE.

SATURDAY 4 JANUARY.

12.23 PM   I am in bed with the small hot water bottle. 

 Velma telephoned.  Horribly wet and miserable day.  I worked on my lap-top computer.  Watched T.V.

I feel very angry and bored.   I think that maybe I am depressed due to stress and worries over Christmas also  dreary  weather always makes me feel down  especially when the sky is dark and no sunshine can be seen. 

 I feel so unappreciated by my siblings, I blame myself  entirely for always  being so accommodating and loving and considerate towards them over the years.  They have taken such advantage of my goodness towards them that they always expect more.  I have always sort to please them  because of who they are without any appreciation. 

 Edward has made me realize just how much they have been using my love to their own advantage and I am very angry with my self..

ANGEL ARTIST JANUARY 2014.

SATURDAY 4 JANUARY 2014

11.45 AM.  There are shades of pink in this mornings coat of grey hanging over the earth.  I want to buy a Snoot to keep my hair in place, we have tried several men's shops but no luck so far.

The wind is playing among the evergreens in gardens across the road and dancing with the flag on it's tall  pole in the garage forecourt. 

 Dreamt...Edward and I were out on a day trip while waiting for a number 26 bus to Black Fen we watched chickens in a paddock seeing very unusual beautifully large feathers lying on the grass I wanted to enter and collect them but it meant breaking in and disturbing the fowls.  Edward was not comps mantis having to be lead by me.  The bus conductress was very helpful I wanted to furnish her with my phone number in lieu of art modelling work but as happens in all dreams I was unable to remember my number.  I was wearing a long camel coloured coat on alighting  from the bus just like the one Edward used to own.

12.15 PM  Edward has just bought me a mug of steaming hot coffee before retiring into the lounge to watch Saturday television.

I SURVIVED SACRE COEUR.

11.20 AM.     FRIDAY 3 JANUARY 2014.

Grey sky punctuated with cloud and a smear of deep blue.

Both of us awoke at six, I lay staring up at the ceiling unable to resettle with the pain in my left knee.  Edward got cross with me squirming about and flapping the duvet to cool my burning skin.

Back pain haunts me day and night waking me just now it is always ready to surprise me when I least expect it. Caused by my gait I have one leg longer than. According to our dentist my jaw is out of line which is an indication the whole of my left side is out of kilter.  He advised  a diagnosis's by  an osteopath would help me to understand the full extent of the unalinement of my skeletal  frame.
  He advised jaw realinement by means of dental wiring insisting that my quality of life would improve immensely.  Demonstrating how by my clenching my jaws together so that they are  positioned correctly I gain strength in my left hand giving it a much improved grip.

His words reminded me of an incident in my childhood when I was punched in the left hand side of my skull by  mother.
I remembered  clearly the freezing January day I was four years old and she beat me so hard I heard a click in my head and recalled  the shock and  vision of flashing green stars as they happened while Mr Pollard was talking.  I vomited and was screaming so loudly she grabbed me forcing and holding  my head under the cold tap letting the water run until I was gasping and shivering then throwing me on the floor she left me soaking wet in the corner of the room for the rest of the afternoon.

It was after that incident I developed pain in my legs and back diagnosed as rheumatism,  I was unable to walk unaided for months. Dad had to carry me, later making a walking stick by trimming the handle down  of a green and white striped child's yard broom.  I rested the head end, the brush under my left arm using the handle as a walking stick.

 It was at that time  the pain in my left ear began resulting in many operations and stays in hospital right up to this date.
Dreamt...I was at home in the high rise council flat of my passed talking animated film gossip with Anne, Colin and others when there was a disturbance in the kitchen our mother had arrived.  In a panic I advised our visitors to leave hastily which they did.  Confronting mother in fear of her anger she surprised me by being nice.  Seated as she was at the kitchen table she presented me with a litre bottle of water labelled Purina then disappeared and I woke up.

My finger nails are breaking with so much typing.

12.30 PM

The sky is a deep blue and the sun is shining lighting up the house fronts along the road as far as I can see through the bedroom window.  Edward is in the lounge watching television.  I am able to hear the midday new's through the floor.  He cooked me breakfast, two brown toast and cup of coffee so good of him.  His patients wont hold out for much longer for  attention as he wants to go out somewhere in the sunshine.

11.10 PM.  I am in bed having worked all day trimming photo's of June and I taken on our 2010 Swiss holiday by Alan.  Edward sat in the rocking chair watching television all day in the dining room.  The bright sunshine made the outside of the house appear very inviting but the wind persisted relentlessly all day giving all who ventured out side a through thrashing.

SOUND. VISION. PERFUME. TOUCH.

THURSDAY 2 JANUARY 2014

9.15 AM.  Blue sky, bright sun light, wind.

Swooshing noise's entering our bedroom as usual from the commuters returning to the daily grind by car, van and all manner of heavy lorries. 

 My dearest Edward is reading aloud to me from the only book to hand one of his favourites the adventures of Charles Darwin.  He has always read out aloud to me in bed since before we were married in 1999. 

 I have woken this morning with a slight headache due to an upsetting dream where my late mother Joan was demanding money.  I gave her a twenty pound note on which she turned her back on me and walked away.  I was unable to follow her on discovering the suit case I was carrying had a damaged clasp.I called out to her but no sound would come out of my mouth.

Edward seems loving and well this morning it must be because Christmas is safely over at long last and the brightness of the sunlight.  It is streaming into our bedroom glimmering on the surfaces of  furnishings and adding a sheen to  items displayed about the room. 

The lingering odour of breakfast in bed still pervades the atmosphere, buttered toast, steaming hot coffee and a streaky bacon toasted sandwich.

I feel full and warm inside as well as comfortable with Edwards arms  wrapped round me.  Having completed his first mourning job that of feeding me,  He insists he is my personal butler and refers to himself with that title.

9.45 AM.  The sunlight is amazing the bedroom feels alive with light, it is lifting me.  I can actually feel my heart  beating within my chest where as everything else  is so still in the room.   Edward having fallen instantly asleep after returning to bed on the completion of his kitchen duty's. 

EDWARD MY DARLING HUSBAND.

THURDAY 3 JANUARY 2013. OLD NEWS.

3 JANUARY, THURSDAY 2013.

OLD NEWS FROM LAST YEAR.

No rain.  Frankie came around for a hot chocolate at 6.00.

I worked all day on decoration Art work Angels.  Painted them with a mix of P.V.A glue and gold acrilic paint.  Edward did drawing with water colour pencils.  I have so many angels waiting to be completed that I feel overwhelm.  Edward agreed to attend an Alfa course because of the free meal  with Frankie driving.

 I could not sleep, I tried lying on the floor.  Edward eat all day, he is so fat.  I feel hungry after all the food we over-eat at Christmas.  I must weigh my lumpy flesh.  Pain in my right foot and ankle forced me to take an Asprin to dull pain before sleeping.

IN JERSEY VICTORIAN MARKET.

TAKEN FROM LAST YEARS DIARY. WEDNESDAY 2 JANUARY 2013.

2 JANUARY, WEDNESDAY.

Rain.  I worked in Cry shop.  Paid Jane £20 towards the payment of Edwards Somerville dinner.

I bought a net skirt with sparkling sequin embellishments from Oxfam of the £1 rail and I love it.  John is back working in the shop after being a short time with Jersey Telcom.
We must go to the Co-op shopping to use our £100 vouchers from Mr Kursh.  Edward is still waiting for  hospital appointments.

Dream snippet... I had a visit by a young family with children to my home not Jersey, and was enjoying myself playing with a group of children under five who were so beautiful as well as adorable in personalties when one child a beautiful boy I was playing with so happily suddenly changed  bring out a huge penis very mature from his child's apparel and thrust it at me demanding that I played with it. 

 I immediately with drew from him in horror.  Very shocked waking myself up.  I knew instantly that I had been entertaining Fallen Angels.  Demons had been attempting deception while I was sleeping.

A VERY HAPPY OCCASION AT MY SISTER ANNE'S HOUSE IN TONBRIDGE, KENT.

NEW YEARS DAY 1 JANUARY 2013. LAST YEARS RECORDING.

TUESDAY 1 JANUARY 2013. LAST YEARS DIARY ENTRY.

I did not have much sleep.  Breakfast in the hotel, a bright sunny morning.

Laptop on line. I looked at Facebook.  Put photos from camera on to lap-top, deleted many bad pictures of the year.  Hardly any good one's of me at all.  Edward watched television and ironed his cloths.  I worked on  art Angels set into a curly shape it is a decoration to be suspended on a string.

  I feel very tired with  not much optimism for the new year 2013 ahead of me.  I look so old.  Even when dressed in my finery I still look old.  I have been smoking a lot lately.  

I am reading action novel "Shock Wave."  by Colin Forbes. I must weight myself this week.  Edward is so fat he looks gross. I keep on mislaying my reading glass's which makes me so angry and frustrated with myself.  I have tooth ache to day.  Pain in my knees kept me from sleeping yesterday.

ART WORK, PHOTO OF ANNE AND COLIN AT DURRELL ZOO.

JOHN ANSWERED AND SAID. "A MAN CAN RECEIVE NOTHING UNLESS IT HAS BEEN GIVEN TO HIM FROM HEAVEN." JOHN 3. 27.

RECORDED IN LAST YEARS DIARY. 31 DECEMBER 2012.

NEW YEARS EVE.  FRANKIE PHONED.  10.34 AM.  Edward has chest infection.  Wind, grey sky, no rain.  Cleaned the home plenty of rain later.  Anne phoned she cheered me up.  Bath and hair wash , got dressed up in finery, wore great fishnet tights with black seams also black nail varnish and little black dress to go to hotel Ambassador for gala dinner. £65 each.  Edward not well he is so grumpy and full of complaints.  He dress up in dark jacket and dark trousers also waist coat.  It was the first time he looked goof in months.  Rain.  He complained most of the evening spoilt my enjoyment of the evening.  He just sat most of the evening looking miserable he made no effort to enjoy the fantastic festivities put on by the hotel.  I had to sit alone as he kept wandering off leaving me alone at the table or to dance.  He booked a room at the last minute to stay over because he had been drinking a lot also dreadful rain.

TREAD SOFTLY BECAUSE YOU TREAD ON MY DREAMS. CRANBERRY IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE COLOURS.

GOSSIP

FIRST ASK ARE YOU CERTAIN IT IS TRUE.

SECOND IS IT SOMETHING GOOD.

THIRD IS IT SOMETHING USEFUL.

BECAUSE IF IT IS NOT TRUE, GOOD OR USEFUL, WHY TALK ABOUT IT.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HERE ABOUT IT.

GOSSIP SEPARATES BEST FRIENDS

AND IT CAN CAUSE YOU TO LOSE YOUR REPUTATION.

WHEN YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION BETWEEN TWO DIRECTIONS,

TAKE THE PATH THAT BRINGS YOU CLOSER TO YOUR LIFE'S MISSION.

EPSOM SALTS IN A HOT BATH WILL RELIEVE STRESS AND DE-PUFF THE SKIN.

DETOXIFY PHYSICALLY, DRIED WHEAT-GRASS, SPIRULINA

RECONSTITUTE IN SPRING WATER OF FRUIT JUICE.

GET RID OF GUILT COMPLETELY.

ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY 

BRINGS  DOWN YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AND ENERGY.

EITHER STOP THE GUILT INDUCING BEHAVIOUR, 

OR FIGURE OUT A WAY TO CONTINUE THE BEHAVIOUR 

WITHOUT GUILT.

DAVID MOODY DIED ON 22 APRIL 2013. MY FRIEND KATH DIED ON 11 NOVEMBER 2013 BOTH BELOVED PERSONALTIES.

HOW TO REPLACE HALF THE FAT IN ANY CAKE RECIPE 

USE A JAR OF APPLE SAUCE BOUGHT FROM THE SUPERMARKET

AND LEAVE OUT HALF THE SUGAR .

YOUR CAKE WILL TASTE AMAZING.

JOHN ANSWERED AND SAID.

"A MAN CAN RECEIVE NOTHING UNLESS IT HAS BEEN GIVEN TO HIM FROM HEAVEN."

JOHN 3.27.

AN APPLE A DAY IS A BALL OF ENERGY

AND A CHOCOLATE BAR A DOSE OF LETHARGY.

DRINKING HOT WATER FIRST THING IN THE MORNING KICK STARTS YOUR METABOLISM,

PREPARING YOUR STOMACH FOR FOOD,

GETTING YOUR DIGESTION GOING AND DETOXING ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

READ THE BOOK -

A YEAR OF DOING GOOD, BY JUDITH O'REILLY.

THE SILENT KILLER,

HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.

FOODS RICH IN NITRATES TO TRY

BEETROOT. LETTUCE.  CABBAGE. FENNEL.

ALMONDS. PISTACHIOS ALL INCREASE B6. AND LUTEIN.

LOVE IS OUR PERMANENT NATURE, SO IT ISN'T AN EMOTION.

BECAUSE EMOTIONS CHANGE AND SWITCH.

LOVE IS ALWAYS THERE.

WHAT EVER YOU ARE DOING,

BE  AWARE OF IT AND STAY INVOLVED.

SEIZE THE DAY.

FOR ALL YOU KNOW, ITS THE ONLY ONE YOU HAVE GOT.

EAT ONE BANANA A DAY TO KEEP CRAMP AT BAY.

INTERNAL VIOLENCE TOWARDS THE SELF APPEARS

IN FORMS SUCH AS SELF-DEGRADATION;

PUBLICITY SHOT BY GRIF WASON

NEW A 4 DIARY. RYE BREAD TOASTED AND COFFEE.

WEDNESDAY 1 JANUARY

10.05 AM.  Grey misty sky, fine rain, wind gusting. 

 "When you are going through hell keep on going."  Winston Churchill.

The world appears to be dead, the road below my bedroom window is bereft of car's, so very unusual for our long winding road. Noise is absent from the outside where commuter traffic usually clogs the street.

  All that I can here is Edward snoring beside me in our bed his back turned face towards the open bedroom door.  Which is just as well as he coughs and snorts like a pig most of the night.  Our bedroom is filled with shadows and so still it is almost a challenge to breath in case a sigh shakes the walls and bring's down the whole house.

 My fingers are freezing cold holding this new A 4 size diary and clasping the pen.  The rest of my being is sheltered by the duvet apart from my upper body that rests warmly in the pink wool of my Eyelash  knitt jumper that still retains a whiff of perfume from its last outing.

11.30 AM  Edward my husband has just woken farting loudly.  I am hungry.  The swoosh of three cars passing our house must indicate that the world is waking. Recovering more like from a night of excessive drinking. 

 A sudden movement in the slats of number ten's window blinds across the way defiantly shows that other people out there are alive besides me.

EDWARD GUARDS OUR FRONT DOOR IN BRIGHTFIELD ROAD, LEE.