WEDNESDAY 8 JANUARY.
10.10 AM. The grey sky is full of rain clouds and every thing has a vague look of misery. The road is wet and the drains overflowing.
I have just had an attack of diarrhoea after a night of anxiety dreams my tummy is churning.
Waking at six I was assailed by worrying thoughts and later the rumbling noises and yells together with the flashing lights of the local refuse collection cart.
My mind would not stop replaying memory's of my failings according to impossible standards instilled by my mother.
Edward refused a hot drink on waking complained bitterly of the chilly morning air, my fault for failing to switch on the central heating while preparing coffee.
I must keep on repeating the affirmation-. Mistakes need correction not punishment.
The same dream content twice...While I working in the shop the cash till broke-down. Ever since £100 was taken from the till Christmas 2010 I have felt insecure about working there.
I feel a a lump of lead in my stomach weighing me down right now at the thought of entering that shop, I truly feel sick.
My anxiety this morning is so great that I have only just realized I am recording my thoughts on the wrong page and day. I have turned over too many pages in the diary. To day is Wednesday 8 January not Friday 10 January. Two pages must have stuck together the result of my trimming my finger nails down so short with my Angel clippers.
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| GOREY BEACH JERSEY. |
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